Our Third Job as a Domestic Couple: A Formal Estate in Buckinghamshire

May 2015 – July 2015: Live-in Domestic Housekeeper and Handyman Couple

While working as a domestic couple in Mayfair, London, we found out that a major refurbishment of the property was on the horizon. Knowing this would bring big changes, we decided to start looking for our next role. We found one through Andrea at Town & Country Staff, a well-known domestic staffing agency in the UK. The job was for a titled gentleman and his wife who owned a listed estate in Buckinghamshire.

The interview process was memorable. Our first meeting was at The Lansdowne Club in Mayfair, near Berkeley Square. It was my first time in a private club, and I accidentally broke the rules by taking off my jacket in the cigar lounge—a staff member quickly corrected me!

Our second interview was at the estate, where we were introduced to the head butler. As he drove us around, he pointed out a picturesque cottage and casually said, “That’s the house you’ll have.” It looked lovely, and the fact that it was off-site was a big plus. During the meeting, we discovered the employer knew Sir Robert Worcester from our first domestic job, and he was impressed by our references.

The estate itself was stunning but much more formal than anywhere we’d worked before. The staff all wore uniforms, and if we got the job, I would be the under butler and Kirsten would be the cook/housekeeper/ladies maid. We were told the cottage wasn’t ready to be viewed yet, but we were assured it was beautiful. Confident that this was the right move, we made the tough decision to leave our job in Mayfair.

When we arrived at the Buckinghamshire estate, things quickly took a turn. Instead of moving into the cottage, we were told to unpack in the upstairs wing of the main house, right near where the principals lived. This wasn’t what we had agreed to. We were reassured that it was temporary until a refurbished wing was ready, so we reluctantly settled in. However, the lack of privacy made us question whether we had made the right decision.

Despite the disappointment, there were some positives. Kirsten’s cooking was a hit, and we both enjoyed looking after the family’s dogs. The estate’s National Trust status also added an unusual element—we occasionally helped volunteers and took part in open house tours.

The other staff were great—good-humoured and supportive. We felt we were all in this together. After long shifts, we’d gather downstairs, sharing stories and laughing until we were in tears. These moments made the work more bearable.

The employers, however, were far less easygoing. There was a clear “upstairs-downstairs” divide, like something out of Downton Abbey, but without the mutual respect. They only used the estate on weekends, arriving on Fridays and leaving on Mondays, which meant we worked weekends and had time off midweek. On our days off, we’d escape to Milton Keynes for a meal or a film.

The job came with many challenges. One was living in the main house without a private entrance—we had nowhere to properly relax. We also felt uneasy that they could enter our living space whenever they wanted and we felt insecure. This lack of privacy started to wear us down.

The breaking point came when we were suddenly told to go to their London home to help with a formal dinner party. We had just a few hours’ notice but, as always, we were flexible and agreed. When we arrived, we were shown to a tiny staff bedroom room and told by the “lady” of the house that we’d be staying the entire weekend so she could observe our work. If she wasn’t happy, we’d be sacked. 

The worst part was that we were expected to share this tiny room with the live-in butler, alternating sleeping shifts. While he was tidy and we had our own bedding, it was completely unprofessional and inappropriate. The whole experience felt demeaning and belittling. There was constant shouting and threats, and all the staff were treated with utter contempt—something we’d never experienced in any of our previous jobs.

By the time we returned to the country estate, we’d had enough. We handed in our notice. The employer flew into a rage and told me we would “never work in the UK again.”

Within a few days, we had secured a new role with a lovely family in North London.

Disclaimer

The content of our website reflects our personal experiences and opinions. It is not intended as legal advice. All claims are presented in good faith to raise awareness and advocate for reform in live-in domestic staffing roles. For specific legal advice, please consult a qualified professional.

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